Say Nothing
by Banana Aeon
Summary: When the subject of female attire come up, maybe the best option is to say nothing. Spoilers for Chapter 589 Oneshot


Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, silly people. Why would I be on here, when my fanfiction would be reality!?

Literally the love-spawn of a late night of sleep, insane boredom, and a sudden flash of inspiration. Enjoy, my darlings.

Say Nothing

Ichigo was not very good at talking up the ladies. He found the process needlessly obtuse. Why couldn't he just talk to them? Be normal. The concept of flirting was beyond him.

His father called him a fool, but that was to be expected. His friends mocked him, for not using his charm (What, the constant scowl on his face was charming? Give me a break) to bring in the women, but that was to be expected, because Keigo is a girl crazy idiot, and Mizuiro was a playboy, so their opinions on the matter were void. Even Rukia said that he should be using his abilities to get a girlfriend, but that was only a joke...Right...

Cue the backstory of scenario to Ichigo's dilemma, and why it's important to teach your offspring the basis to dealing with people.

As much as he could deny it, Ichigo was a hot-blooded teenage male. And hot-blooded teenage males appreciates the form of a female stronger than anyone else could.

Ichigo sought to be different. He avoided the temptations of the opposite sex, and stood true to his path of not being a common everyday teenaged pervert, an occasional relapse every once in a while notwithstanding. But that was okay. Nobody could win the battles against their hormones without fail. It was impossible.

One of those was when Yoruichi revealed herself, in more ways than one to him. Ichigo, being the young, stupid, overreaction prone youth he was, reacted, and reacted poorly. And all it did was make Yoruichi more eager to tease him.

Ichigo stood strong, and true to his (foolish) noble path. He resisted stronger, and harder (mind the pun) than he had ever done in his life. He fought back against...He fought back against the waves...He didn't think with his dick, and make a fool outta himself. And for that, he felt stronger...

Now, when Rangiku tried to bribe, or offer, herself into Ichigo's room, there was a lack of strength there. Not because he wanted it, even though he wanted it so badly, but he had a reputation to uphold, but because of the mystery,

What would he receive for allowing the voluptuous blonde into his room? Would he like it? Would she get completely nude, if he continued to resist? Would she bust out the-

Sorry. I got sidetracked there. Anyway, Ichigo found his sexual repression skill stronger than Rangiku's mastery of the arts of seduction, and she left. Ichigo – 2, Boobies – 0.

But now, it was different. Because now the source of temptation was doing it innocently. And how cruel was that.

* * *

Ichigo noticed, from the moment she appeared. He just didn't have the time to address it. He was too busy trying to find out what the flipping hell Ishida was doing, batting for the Wandenreich. He didn't address it afterward, because he was sulking in his confusion. But now there was no Wandenreich. There was no Ishida. There was no sulking. And now, they dominated his thoughts...

"Ichigo," Sado suddenly said, completely out of the blue, knocking Ichigo out of his increasingly more perverse thoughts. The redhead turned toward the dark-skinned giant, and responded with a uncommitted grunt.

"Well...I've been thinking about the right way to ask this..." Sado continued.

At this time, a small, dimly lit, and pitifully ignored light bulb, residing in the boy's thick skull, named Ichigo's Common Sense, flickered on, trying desperately to obtain the attention of the boy. And if he had listened, Ichigo could have come up with dozens of appropriate responses to the question that was coming up. But, of course, the boy dumbly ignored it. I don't know why it even tries anymore.

"What do you think?" Sado asked. Ichigo, not seeing the flashing neon sign that screeched, "IT'S A TRAP, DUMBASS!" responded with the most oblivious, "About what?" in the history of known man. Sado actually felt bad for what he was about to unleash.

"Inoue's clothes..."

Ichigo was truly disarmed at this point. He could never expect such traitorous speak from his battle brother! He had nothing, but even worse was that the subject of Inoue's attire was dominating the brainwaves. If only he tended to his light bulb more often, maybe this would not have happened.

To make matters even worse, she was looking at him, with an adorably cute smile that reeked of innocence and naivety, as if she didn't know what this was doing to him..And now she expected an answer. Ichigo matched eyes with her, before his brain shut down, and his eyes drifted downward...

Welp, if you aren't going to say anything, you might as well make the receiving party feel really, really uncomfortable right now. Only a true gentleman would commit such an act.

* * *

Orihime didn't think Sado-kun was going to ask now. Urahara-san did say that the outfit was going to make Kurosaki-kun happy, but that was before they found out of Ishida-kun defection. But, it was always nice to know what her beloved thought of her appearance.

She caught the hazel eyes of Ichigo drifting ever so slightly, before they lingered on an eye level not consistent with her own. The she realized what was happening. Then her face burned pink.

"Wait! Sado-kun!" Orihime squealed out, trying her hardest to avoid this now. Ichigo's brain woke up, and now started coming up with responses, ranging from "Why would you say that?" to "You are a horrible person for thinking that."

"W-W-What I t-think?" Ichigo sputtered, in a incoherent trance. Why would it matter what I thought? But now he was on the spot, and his brain refused to cooperate with him.

What was the right response here? Before I give you a chance to criticize Ichigo for not knowing that a simple, "It looks nice" or an equally easy, "I like it" would suffice, remember that he had been fighting the superpowers of seduction his entire life. Never against the powers of fashion.

In this situation, Inoue was not trying to seduce him. She was not teasing him. She was simply wearing a outfit that displayed her...gifts in full order. There is nothing wrong with that, even if it was out of character for her to do so. Hell, Ichigo wasn't going to argue against it, even if he wanted to say it, to not sound like a pervert.

So now Ichigo sat, caught in a pickle, pants flying around the room, as if they were attached to a jetpack, had to figure out what to say.

"W-Well," he started, nervously, "It's a bit too revealing..."

* * *

Kurosaki Isshin looked up into the ceiling of his office, and started shaking his head.

"Wrong answer, idiot..."

* * *

Urahara used all of the restraint he had to keep himself from laughing. His elaborate ruse worked! Maybe it didn't bust down the walls he wanted, but if it got a reaction out of the boy.

Even Sado hold back, from that response. The only way that response could have been worse is if Ichigo insulted Inoue in the process, which wasn't happening. Out of all of Ichigo's female friends, Inoue was the only one that he treated with some form of calmness to. He was very aware of her presence, even if he lacked tact in his verbal skills.

Orihime, on the other hand, was going through a hurricane of emotions. On one hand, Kurosaki-kun was clearly checking her out, so that meant he found her attractive, right? On the other hand, due to her revealing clothes, now maybe he thought she was a pervert! A exhibitionist! A woman of questionable morals!

"No! Kurosaki-kun, I'm not wearing these because I'm a pervert!" Orihime shouted, jumping to conclusions, "I'm wearing them because Urahara-san...Urahara-san lied to me!"

* * *

_"...I wear Hawaiian shirts, and I think this getup is a little tacky," Sado said, as he stood, waiting for Urahara to return from his makeshift laboratory. Orihime giggles._

_ "I don't know, Sado-kun. It makes you look like a super tough mobster!" she said, excitedly, thinking about what her new outfit would look like. Sado just stared at her, mostly out of confusion, but also in astonishment that she would like this. Inoue was a different girl. _

_ "I have finished it, Inoue-chan!" Urahara whistled, walking out in the open Hueco Mundo grounds, holding up a skirt, and a shirt that barely qualifies as a halter top. Orihime stared at it, and suddenly wished that Ishida-kun was here..._

_ "What do you think?" the shopkeeper asked. _

_ "It's a little...revealing..." she said, face turning crimson. Sado nodded, in agreement. A devious smirk grew on the blonde's face. _

_ "Well, if you wear this, I'm sure Kurosaki-san will be happy that you did..." he said, mocking disappointment. Orihime's face lit up._

_ "I'll wear it!" she said, full of vigor. Sado looked at Urahara, then back at the excited Inoue, then back at the shopkeeper, and figured it was time for him to interject._

_ "Inoue, I don't-"_

_ "Urahara-san said that it would make Kurosaki-kun happy, so I can at least give it a shot!" Orihime said, passionately. Did she know what she was getting herself into?_

* * *

Apparently not, because now they both were in the middle of massive overreactions, Ichigo not realizing on how stupidly tactless his remark was, and Orihime trying her damnedest to justify her attire. In a flurry of mindless chaos, a calm individual thought it was her time to actually do something about it.

Just in a really odd way.

Instead of doing it the normal, sensible human being way, Yoruichi went wrist deep on the glorious mounds of Orihime, wiping at the tears of sheep mortification that were brimming. Ichigo did not anticipate what such a simple act would do his body, mind, spirit, and hormones, and lost all of his motor skills.

Before Yoruichi was going to explain anything, justice had to be delivered. And using the power of five fingers and one open palm, she delivered a handful of justice, liberating the cheek of Ichigo.

"IT'S A BIT REVEALING! IS THAT ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, YOU COWARD!?" she screamed in the face of the current cowering Ichigo. What else was he supposed to say?

"You think someone like Inoue would be happy to wear something like this! She was deceived by some maniac, and because of your stupid ass, she embarrassed!"

"It's okay, Yoruichi-san!" Orihime shouted, futilely.

"You should have said something to comfort her! Some flattery or flirting can't hurt, you oblivious brat!"

"It's fine Yoruichi-san!"

"Well, my outfit has caused such a great reaction," Urahara said, behind his fan, "Everything turned out better than expected." Yoruichi fired him a glare, as if she was telling him that this wasn't over. Urahara knew that his prank went a little long, and now decided that it was time to proceed the plot.

And proceed the plot he did. But this story is not about the plot, you see. It is about an oblivious teen, and a young woman, and how a simple question could cause so much confusion...

* * *

Ichigo looked up at the Royal Realm. Yhwach wasted no time running through the place. They would have to hurry, if they wanted to stop him.

"They likely went where the Soul King resides," Sado said.

"But where is that?" Orihime asked. Ichigo remained quiet, thinking about something.

"Maybe we need to split up, and find someone from the Royal Guard," Sado responded. Both Ichigo and Orihime nodded, and the giant ran off. Orihime was about to do the same, but was paused, by a weak touch on her puffy shoulder.

"Kurosaki-kun?" she asked, dainty expression on her face. Ichigo turned a bright red, and grew flustered.

"Uh...I-I'm sorry about what I saw before...It was really insenstive..." Orihime stared into his eyes, before realizing what he was talking about, and turned a bright red, and grew flustered. The two of them were finding it very hard to maintain eye contact with each other.

"Uh, i-it's f-fine, Kurosaki-kun..." she muttered.

"N-No, it's not...I was put on the spot, randomly, and I said whatever stupid thing came to my head first..." Orihime smiled weakly.

"...The dress...It's cute..." Ichigo said, with a complete loss of strength. Orihime looked up, big hazel eyes staring into his nervous hazel eyes, and Ichigo started to buckle. God, if anyone saw him like this, it would be the end of him...

"T-Thank you, Kurosaki-kun..." Orihime said, before a small, mischievous smile grew.

In a ridiculously bold, and surprisingly swift move, Orihime reached on, on his tippy toes, and gave Ichigo a small peck to the cheek, before running off, hands attached firmly to her burning face. Ichigo, on the other hand, stood completely frozen, mouth agape. He stared forward, before finding himself staring at the ground. Then he realized that he wasn't staring at the ground, but that his face was in the ground. And he wasn't moving...

Even the most oblivious idiot in the universe can realize something, when it's obvious enough.

* * *

I have no idea why I felt the need to write this. But I'm glad I did. Hope you enjoyed it, friends.


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